Sigh no more, ladies,
Sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea,
And one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny
Converting all
Your songs of woe
Into, Hey, Nonny, Nonny.
Isn't it weird the random things that make us feel better? :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
At least this one tells me I can be nasty :)
But I like cold apple cider . . .
| You Are Apple Cider |
 |
AGAIN?!?
ANOTHER quiz telling me I'm cute? *rolls eyes* Oh well, I guess it could be worse. They could all call me a bi*ch or something. ;)
| Gummy Bears |
 |
Looks like that's it . . . for now.
So I heard back from LDS Family Services on Monday night - they aren't willing to litigate Randi's case. They say it's too risky. I really don't think it would span years and years . . . we're not talking about a guy with a lot of money here . . . but their decision is final, and at least it's done.
I called Randi to offer to persue litigation on this end, but I haven't heard back. Considering I haven't heard back from her since we last talked over a week ago, I think the silence is my answer. For whatever reason, she's done. It is very saddening to me, but I also understand that she's been under an immense amount of stress with all of this and likely just feels she can't continue to fight.
So now that the door is closed, Kevin and I are searching for an open window.
We updated our website: www.ourforeverfamily.net is the link to it. It's nearly completed, now, and I will add a link to it on our adoption profile through LDS Family Services.
We're seeing if a friend of ours would be willing to come up with a drawing to go on a business card-like thing where we'll list our website. If he has time and wants to, we should be able to get things printed off and looking good shortly. And then we'll just spam them to everyone we know. :) The more people that know, the better chance we have of finding the right ones.
If I'm sounding like I'm totally over it, I'm not. I'm still heartbroken. But I recognize that I've done everything that I can, and that the decisions now are ones I have no control over. If Randi changes her mind and wants to fight, we'll be there in a heartbeat. But if not, then investing the energy back into the adoption process is . . . healing? . . . in a way. I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile in an otherwise powerless situation.
Other than that, I'm making myself stay busy. Kev and I are going to the state fair on Saturday and I'm hoping to start working full-time during the holiday season sometime soon. And, of course, Kev's busy getting job stuff figured out and we may be moving toward the first of the year. Sooooo . . . yeah. *laugh* Much to do, and not much time to do it in. But I'm better emotionally when I'm busy.
Went to the doctor on Monday afternoon and found out I have a staph infection. :( Just on my toes, it looks like, but the doctor has me on serious antibiotics (like 875? mg of amoxicillin and 125 of something else, twice a day) to take care of things. Fortunately it's not making me sick. I can't stand sitting on the couch unable to function anymore. :)
Listened to a really helpful and inspiring talk from General Conference yesterday that humbled my heart and helped me rekindle my faith. You can find it here: http://www.lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,49-1-775,00.html
It's the talk from Elder Spencer J. Condie. I'll link to the text when it comes out.
It was one of those talks where you know it wasn't meant JUST for you, but it sure feels that way. Thank you, Elder Condie.
I called Randi to offer to persue litigation on this end, but I haven't heard back. Considering I haven't heard back from her since we last talked over a week ago, I think the silence is my answer. For whatever reason, she's done. It is very saddening to me, but I also understand that she's been under an immense amount of stress with all of this and likely just feels she can't continue to fight.
So now that the door is closed, Kevin and I are searching for an open window.
We updated our website: www.ourforeverfamily.net is the link to it. It's nearly completed, now, and I will add a link to it on our adoption profile through LDS Family Services.
We're seeing if a friend of ours would be willing to come up with a drawing to go on a business card-like thing where we'll list our website. If he has time and wants to, we should be able to get things printed off and looking good shortly. And then we'll just spam them to everyone we know. :) The more people that know, the better chance we have of finding the right ones.
If I'm sounding like I'm totally over it, I'm not. I'm still heartbroken. But I recognize that I've done everything that I can, and that the decisions now are ones I have no control over. If Randi changes her mind and wants to fight, we'll be there in a heartbeat. But if not, then investing the energy back into the adoption process is . . . healing? . . . in a way. I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile in an otherwise powerless situation.
Other than that, I'm making myself stay busy. Kev and I are going to the state fair on Saturday and I'm hoping to start working full-time during the holiday season sometime soon. And, of course, Kev's busy getting job stuff figured out and we may be moving toward the first of the year. Sooooo . . . yeah. *laugh* Much to do, and not much time to do it in. But I'm better emotionally when I'm busy.
Went to the doctor on Monday afternoon and found out I have a staph infection. :( Just on my toes, it looks like, but the doctor has me on serious antibiotics (like 875? mg of amoxicillin and 125 of something else, twice a day) to take care of things. Fortunately it's not making me sick. I can't stand sitting on the couch unable to function anymore. :)
Listened to a really helpful and inspiring talk from General Conference yesterday that humbled my heart and helped me rekindle my faith. You can find it here: http://www.lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,49-1-775,00.html
It's the talk from Elder Spencer J. Condie. I'll link to the text when it comes out.
It was one of those talks where you know it wasn't meant JUST for you, but it sure feels that way. Thank you, Elder Condie.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
My cycle of grief
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-Omar Khayyam
I mentioned this poem to a friend of mine last not too long ago. It's something that's stuck with me for a long time - since college, in fact, over eight years ago. The words both comfort and haunt me right now.
For our adoption to fall through when we were so close to finally being able to welcome a child into our home has been a painful thing both for Kev and myself this week. It would be easier if the birth mom had changed her mind and *wanted* to keep the baby. To know that she feels forced into a corner by the man who got her pregnant and she's making the decision out of fear and worry makes it harder for me. I have no doubt that she'll be as good a mom as she can possibly be, but this isn't what any of us wanted. And I die a little inside when I think of that beautiful baby girl being raised by someone who has a wonderful heart but neither the time nor the resources to give her what she will need.
And now, the 'big sister,' the 'mother bear,' the 'fixer,' has to sit back on her hands and watch other people make decisions that change my whole life. I'm truly powerless to do much of anything at this point unless Randi decides she wants to continue to fight to place the child with us. And I can't blame her if she can't continue that fight anymore.
I know there will be other children, other birth mothers, other adoptions. But this little girl was already wanted, prepared for and loved by us. And I'm having a hard time letting go.
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-Omar Khayyam
I mentioned this poem to a friend of mine last not too long ago. It's something that's stuck with me for a long time - since college, in fact, over eight years ago. The words both comfort and haunt me right now.
For our adoption to fall through when we were so close to finally being able to welcome a child into our home has been a painful thing both for Kev and myself this week. It would be easier if the birth mom had changed her mind and *wanted* to keep the baby. To know that she feels forced into a corner by the man who got her pregnant and she's making the decision out of fear and worry makes it harder for me. I have no doubt that she'll be as good a mom as she can possibly be, but this isn't what any of us wanted. And I die a little inside when I think of that beautiful baby girl being raised by someone who has a wonderful heart but neither the time nor the resources to give her what she will need.
And now, the 'big sister,' the 'mother bear,' the 'fixer,' has to sit back on her hands and watch other people make decisions that change my whole life. I'm truly powerless to do much of anything at this point unless Randi decides she wants to continue to fight to place the child with us. And I can't blame her if she can't continue that fight anymore.
I know there will be other children, other birth mothers, other adoptions. But this little girl was already wanted, prepared for and loved by us. And I'm having a hard time letting go.
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